We are not learning music to be perfect. We are learning music to enjoy the process of playing. We are learning music to develop a skill. Let go of judgement! If you are hearing an inner musical critic and it feels like negative judgement, drop it. Let it go. You don’t want to be holding unto so much baggage.
If that seems too easily said, imagine that your fingers are actually holding onto little bags of judgment (from past/current teachers, conductors, peers, recording engineers, yourself, reviewers, parents, friends, neighbors, etc.). Imagine that these little critiques, each in a bag on your fingers, are weighing you down. They are slowing down your playing. That negativity is taking up physical space and you need to free it up!
Question: What if you got rid of that inner music critic? Answer: Your hands would feel the freedom to put your fingers on the actual notes you need to play.
Drop the mental comment section. Close down the critiques that don’t make you a better player. You can throw them away in the trash bin over there. Now, locate the comments that do help – the ones that say “don’t give up,” or “there now – that wasn’t so hard!”
You can keep the helpful comments, but put them in a safe place at a distance, like picture in a frame. Remember, you want to feel lighter. You want to free up your fingers to do the playing that you were called to do in the first place.
You have work to do. Your work is playful and exploratory.
You are practicing the process of showing up and being ready to play music. Playing music is not about perfection, so much as the journey you take to a place where the playing feels good! This is the work you love to do. By freeing your fingers, you are already doing what you need to do. Now, you are ready to practice!
We have added more items up in my Harp Escape Shop! If you didn’t see the 30 day Instagram challenge I did in Feb/Mar you might have missed this gorgeous illustration by Stephen Schildbach. Harp Nouveau was inspired by Aubry Beardsley’s art (but I suppose also being married to me)! Now, you too can own a beautiful cotton tote bag with this lovely harp art nouveau design. $20
Harp Nouveau Tote Bag $20
For harpists, I have sheet music for sale. With the song “What the River Says/Aer Enim” you get two for the price of one. Both pieces are arranged for lever and/or pedal harp. This sheet music is for the intermediate harpist in the key of Eb (folk harpers will have to do some extra tuning for this!). This sheet music is for sale for $8.
My tune “What the River Says” is based on the Wm. Stafford poem, Ask Me. The second song, seamlessly merged with the first, was composed by Hildegard von Bingen. If you aren’t familiar with her work, she lived most of her life during the 12th Century, and is considered by many to be the first female composer of Western music. Born in Germany in 1098, Hildegard von Bingen composed music, wrote poetry, and also wrote several books about religion, art, politics, philosophy, science, medicine, and herbs.
This is just the first of many Hildegard von Bingen songs made available to you. I’m arranging an entire collection of her songs for lever harp, coming out next year by Mel Bay Publishing! Some students and friends may already know this. And chances are if you’ve hired me to play a memorial service or quiet ritual, you have heard me play one of these. As I complete working on the book, I’ll be sharing more with you.
What the River Says / Aer Enim Sheet Music (4pgs) $8
And speaking of writing a book… I’ve recently had a poem published! April is National Poetry Month after all, and it feels like a good time to share this. The lengthy title, Poem for My Unborn Boy at the Ballard Locks One Day Before His Birth, (published by Literary Mama) sums up the theme of the poem quite thoroughly. For anyone who has waited for the birth of their child, my go-to technique to get moving 5years ago with my son, was walking stairs at the Locks, over and over again.
The Harp Escape Shop will be undergoing more transformation in the coming months. Feel free to contact me if you run into any bumps in the process.
In the summer of 2020, at the beginning of the Pandemic, one of the first things I noticed in the city, was how quiet things suddenly felt. Air traffic decreased greatly. My house, positioned in North Central Seattle, had been a major flight path to Sea-Tac Airport at particular times of day. I always noticed increased activity between 9-11pm, because that is when I liked to record! Many times, I would have to adjust my schedule, because it was too loud. But once the Pandemic hit, the nights became perfectly still, even in the middle of the city. During the mornings, sea planes would land on nearby Lake Union. This sound also decreased for some months. Suddenly, there was a lot less noise coming out of the sky, and subtle sounds stood out more: bird calls, neighbors walking by. A Pandemic way of hearing was appreciating the certain new quietude. However, with the noiseless nights came some discomfort, about what was going on in our world.
Listen Up! There are many ways of hearing.
Then, as the summer heated up, other sounds took prominence: frequent emergency vehicles and police sirens. I noticed increased helicopter activity and during BLM protests, and more than once I heard SPD fire flash bang grenades as I lay in bed, coming from across the hills from nearby Capitol Hill. There were stories in those sounds. I imagined the Pike/Pine corridor, city streets I knew so well in my old neighborhood, and I imagined the fighting. Later, in the morning, real images on the news joined the sounds I had heard. But as I lay in bed, I felt the whole city, and the whole country, listening to what those sounds meant. I felt many ears listening to the troubles around us, and I had difficultly sleeping.
Diversity is the spice of life. My client list is a wide range, from getting hired directly by corporations, to nurses & doctors, couples getting married, playing for hospital patients, in department stores, at transit centers, farm events, before city hall leaders, in historic hotels, for humanitarian non-profits, and GRAMMY winners. Over the last 20 years, I feel fortunate to have met so many people, to have collaborated on events with them, to help create an event where there wasn’t one, or one that needed help planning.
Umbra means shadow. In particular, it is the darkest part of a shadow. It also means a shadow cast by something that is opaque, not a solid state. I think about how even things we don’t see as being solid can take shape, like our thoughts becoming real. You know that phrase by Emerson, “You become what you think about all day long?” – I think that is true. Those shadows are thoughts, and those thoughts become beliefs.
We are all made up of light and dark, just like the equinox, a fine balance of sun and moon within. I find shadows so evocative. Perhaps that is why I have written more than one song about them.
The song Umbra comes on the return of a trip to see my family home for the first time in two years. This song had a dark feeling to it, it starts off minor but then ascends into a Major place. When I ask my students if they can hear the difference between minor and Major, we often describe feeling of minor as Halloween, sad, spooky, or lonely. Being in the shadows of not knowing can feel similar.
I don’t speak French, but I can tell by the way she sings, that it is a love song of the most high devotion. She is smitten and lovestruck to the core. As she sings, she idolizes her lover, seeing him through rose-colored glasses. This is why I love playing that tune at weddings and recommending it to people even if they say they don’t know the song. Once I start playing for them, they soon realize they’ve heard it in some movie or commercial. The thing is, “La Vie En Rose” is sort of timeless.
The song plays to our highest ideals, not just about love, but about life in general. “La Vie en Rose” is looking at life optimistically. It is living rosie dreams and seeing the beauty in every day life. It is stopping to smell the roses. It is embracing imperfections and loving despite them. La vie en rose is “live and let live.” It is having ideals. Dreaming big. Finding joy in one’s life and being in the present moment. In literal translation, la vie en rose means the “pink life.”
My Wedding May 3, 2008 (Seattle, WA)
Some say the meaning of the song is that of naïveté, that everything will be fine without paying attention to details. Assuming that situations will unfold in your favor doesn’t inherently mean that you are not paying attention, or working towards a positive outcome. In fact, I have found that the more I am invested in my situations, the better I feel through involvement.
We are in the darkest time of a very challenging year. As we enter this winter season, we celebrate the light within and travel to inward time. Harp Escape taps into an old use of music, used as sound healing for your self care. Sufi mystic, Hazrat Inayat Khan said “The use of music for spiritual attainment and healing of the soul, which was prevalent in ancient times, is not found to the same extent now. Music has been made a pastime…”
Join me on Patreon for Harp Escape’s Meditative audio recordings, sheet music and more. Once a month, I bring you high quality Meditative Harp Music audio recordings (ranging from 25-55 minutes), a Relaxing Music Video from my harp studio and places in nature, and sheet music arrangements. All of this music is recorded intentionally for you to find a relaxing space for meditation and mindful daily ritual, for you to take a break from the demands of your life and breath deeply, while listening to the healing sounds of the harp’s vibrations.
It is Veteran’s Day and I miss my friend Crysta Casey, who was a military journalist, poet, and painter. We met in 2002 at Red Sky Poetry Theatre (Seattle’s longest running open mic series). We were quite different people – she was 25 years my senior, a military veteran, and sufferer of extreme mental health issues – yet we had a very casual and organic friendship that came together quite effortlessly. It was only after her death, did I realize she was also my mentor and artistic advisor.
After the reading that night, Crysta and I talked on the street for a long time. She smoked cigarettes as we realized we shared similar poetic influences (Anne Sexton, Sharon Olds, the Surrealists, and others). We exchanged contacts to meet up and share poems. What started as frequent cafe meet-ups to read/critique each other’s work, eventually turned into a weekly date in Crysta’s Belltown apartment with wine and food and an exchange of books and literary magazines.
Love is the end of isolation. Sometimes, when I have meditative moments of insight, I get messages of clarity, wisdom, poetry like this: Stop trying to be normal. The end of isolation is love.
This week, after the virtual school started for my 4th grader, but before the preschool has started for my almost 3 year old, I crumbled in a day of chaos, fallen under the hammering spell of a low-grade stress headache. In respite, I sat on the porch, trying to find some order in my mind, and how to create a new work/live/school schedule all under one roof. Its Quarantine 2.0!
Time is on my side, and yet it is my greatest challenge!
I am always on the lookout for how creative mothers make their way through the world – I don’t have any other day job; my work is based on writing and music and I have two young children.
There is a real need for artist mothers to share in their creative process in my opinion – for encouragement, creative tips, support, and just sharing how its done in a practical sense. The world doesn’t always make it easy for artist moms to continue on their journey once they’ve had a baby. The path suddenly gets very bumpy. The road bottoms out. You don’t know how to go on. I would read Dr. Seuss’s “Oh the Places You Go” to my daughter and think – Oh, this is real. This is exactly what I’m experiencing.
When I had my daughter 8 years ago, I was really searching for some creative support written by and for someone like me. I didn’t find anything of the sort. Now I know of at least three podcasts: Rachel Zucker’s Commonplace;The Longest Shortest Time by Hilary Frank; and musician Laura Veirs’ Midnight Lightning. I still haven’t found any written material that deeply addresses how new mothers adjust their creative process and how to support it, which is not to say that it doesn’t exist. I just know I’d still like to read a book like that. However, when you are multi-tasking making dinner, a hands-free podcast is just the ticket! (and these three mentioned are great).
I used to have a more elaborate system of writing poetry and prose. I would handwrite in my journal, then transfer to a more refined notebook, then type it up, print it out, and workshop the writing. Since having children, I don’t have time to do practically any of that!
With a baby, I always feel like there’s a ticking timer at nap time. I try to squeeze in moments to write or practice, but I never know how long it will be. How long will my creative freedom last? If I start to record, will I be interrupted with a cry? Certainly, when kiddos are school-aged, time opens up. With more than one child, time must be blocked out with more commitment.
I create lists of how to prioritize. There is the weekly one and the daily list. For example today is – #1 practice music for gig tonight; #2 transcribe a piece for Sunday’s Mothers’ Day duet with pianist Josh Rawlings (that I can use for Harp Escape as well); #3 blast out my album to one agency; #4 write something. If I can do that much – that would be AMAZING! I always aim high. Sometimes only one thing gets accomplished, and if someone has a fever or a field trip, forget about it. I have to be real about the current daily situation of food, laundry, school lunch, diapers, etc. that I have.
When I had my first kiddo, I blended my writing and music together, sort of by accident. Once I stopped gigging late night shows, I began songwriting. The poetry morphed into lyrics instead. I had to become selective about what I said yes to. Would I take a club gig at 10pm? No way, not unless it paid well (ha ha ha). Eventually, people stopped asking me, but that’s ok. Because I changed.
I won’t lie. Sometimes I find myself lamenting over the artists who have more freedom than me. It takes so much time to polish a craft and I never feel like I have enough anymore. I don’t have a creative stuckness; I have a restriction. This is interesting though, because motherhood is also the blessing that allowed me to open up into a new form! When I stopped saying yes to all of the club gigs, I put my energy into songwriting. I started singing in public. I wrote enough songs to record an album. I formed a band (The Daphnes) and now I can be leader and call the shots to what fits my lifestyle. I probably wouldn’t have organized it all this way if it had not been for motherhood “restricting” me. Plus, it always seems like half of my songs are inspired in someway by the process of being mom. So – its a two-sided coin. A yin-yang.
I feel like its now or never these days, pretty much all the time. Its sort of Zen, but its also sort of desperate. I am very of the moment. After the baby boy fell asleep today, I checked my email and immediately blasted out a response which has turned into this blog post. It always feels so good to re-purpose something.
Being a musician mama means that I sometimes practice for 5 minutes with a squirming toddler in my lap, I cram in my own practice time between students, or I have to accept that I might be winging it at the gig a little more.
Its maddening! Its terrifying! Its exciting! Its the gift of a lifetime.
